Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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