I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
