well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
