Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
