just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You were trust falling into bushes
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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