Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
