Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
