3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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