I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
