Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This couple is walking their pig around campus
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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