I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize