Can i not drive my cunt home
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
