Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize