Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
