So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
