The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
