my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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