So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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