let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She even gives head with a lisp.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
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Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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