I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
