someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i think i just lost a toe
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize