i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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