and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
