but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
