I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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