That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
