I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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