you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
