i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
