So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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