Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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