Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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