I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
