I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
