My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
