i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
