What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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