WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
