Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
