I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I smell like Dick and happiness
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
