This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
