If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
