you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize