This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
