you would pick up someone in the library
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
