You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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