I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
