i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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