what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
