rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
