Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
