I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
