Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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