dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
