I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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