I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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