ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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