Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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