Define "chronic" masturbator.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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