I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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