I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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