He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
