It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
