He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
